misty

dying to self is not killing your god-give talents or desires or personality. dying to self is killing your constant self-preoccupation and even self-preservation.. it's spiritual violence. it's giving your all.

on being real

what is it to really love a person. for me, it's giving them what they really need (which is sometimes different from what they want). that means you can't always be supportive in the way that they want. yes, of course, i need to be supportive. i need to be there for them no matter what. no judgment, no conditions. but that doesn't always mean telling them whatever they want to hear. a friend is someone who's honest and real, who will shed light on things when you're blind and is willing to be uncomfortable-willing to see you uncomfortable- if it brings you closer to being free. of course, this all needs to be done in prayer and with all gentleness and patience.. but it needs to be done.

give me jesus

today, someone close to me said to me, "but i really respect that you're grounded in your faith." this disturbed me so much because she's supposed to have the same faith as me.. maybe i am too much sometimes. maybe i am too openly rigid about obeying Jesus. but this is my life. this is the promise i made all those years ago when i said i would follow him. it was an all or nothing decision then, just like it is now. god knows i still compromise.. i struggle all the time.. i still let other things have parts of me. he knows what goes on in my heart. and it's still so far from perfect.. so so far.. he knows. i know. i'm a hypocrite. i'm human. but my goal is to become like Jesus- a pure reflection. my heart's desire is to one day die and see him face to face and have him say, "well done, my good and faithful servant." and i'm trying, because he deserves nothing less than all of me.
i wish they could understand that. for themselves, not for me.
that life on earth is so short. so so short. that they shouldn't waste it.