nighttimes

Wrote this last night in my notes cause I couldn't sleep. I never like to think that I'm a sensitive person... But these feelings and thoughts come out of me when I try to close my eyes at night here...


Writing this as I watch 희진, 지윤, 미혜, 나영 sleep. I think I love them. I have to look away because I'm about to cry. How can someone throw some of these kids away.. I just want them to comprehend an ounce of the love He has for them. That He desires them vehemently and loves them for doing nothing at all.  I do understand a little. How it feels to never seem to measure up. Never being enough for somebody I cared so much about. Giving all of me and still not being enough and still wanting them when they clearly didn't want me. The pain in them must be so much deeper, much uglier than mine. Not being enough for their own parents. We, at home, try so hard to stay away from these people that really love us. But we don't know what we're doing. We're deceived. I come here and all these girls want is to be with their mom and dad. I ask how I can pray for them. Every one of them ask me to pray for them to be reunited with their families. Quickly. Some don't even want to get married because they know it means they would have to live away from their families again.. a ten year old.. We don't know. They idolize the parents that couldn't give up their addictions or their laziness to be with their own children. Someone once saw that pain in me and  prayed that God would speak value and destiny into my life. I have faith that God is doing that in me and that He will do that through me for these souls.  지연 하은 성현 의진 희진 지윤 미혜 나영 하정 은비 아름 I break every lie over your lives and I pray joy and confidence and a never ending overflow of love in your lives. I pray for prosperity wherever you go and in whatever you do. And mostly i pray that each and every one of you will have an indescribably deep and eternally intimate relationship with the God who calls you the crown in His hand, whose thoughts of you are precious and number more than the sands of the sea..  


 Woke up looking like I ate ten ramens and a pho. 
 Please keep praying for us all! 


 hannah

thoughts from the past sunday

I took four pages of notes on this sermon this past Sunday.. "Revelation Required" by Pastor Jonathan Neufeld
LISTEN TO IT. 


After church, Cathy and I talked for hours, remembering words God spoke to us in the past.. and it's so amazing how we're here together now. There was this one time maybe three or four years ago when a few of us were praying at a g12 meeting, and I got a picture of Cathy holding a bag of gifts. She was on her way to pass them out to children.. orphans. This was when I knew almost nothing about her and a lot less about myself. I remember sharing my picture with her and her crying, because she knew God saw her heart. And we're here together now.. serving children who are separated from their parents. (Cathy, it's sort of like the Heidi and Rolland and Rolland's mom thing, no? hahaha! not really.. but i know you and me were meant to be.. ;) ) So many of these words and dreams were so similar, tied together even.. writing, orphans, family, the healing we both need..
Like Pastor Jon said, God's name is Healer and His name is Provider.. That's His character, what comes most naturally to Him. I'm having to remind myself this when I can't see the point.. That He desires to increase us, to grow us, to prosper us always always always.

hannah

Isaiah 61:1-3

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed and qualified me to preach the Gospel of good tiding to the meek, the poor, and afflicted; He has sent me to bind up and heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the [physical and spiritual] captives and the opening of the prison and of the eyes to those who are bound,

To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord [the year of His favor] and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn,

To grant [consolation and joy] to those who mourn in Zion- to give them an ornament (a garland or diadem) of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, the garment [expressive] of praise instead of a heavy, burdened, and failing spirit= that they may be called oaks of righteousness [lofty, strong, and magnificent, distinguished for uprightness, justice, and right standing with God], the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified."

hannah

hiccups

this is 희진 (heejin). she's twelve years old, and she's been here since she was three. she's probably the most outgoing one which is why i have a photo of her. cutie.  

the other day, i started hiccuping and she looked at me like i was crazy person.. 

she said to me,"외국인들도 따국질을 해요?!" (foreigners hiccup too?!) it made me laugh, but i don't know what to think of it. 

children know what they're taught. they know what they see and hear and experience. i think i need to fully understand this. all children don't know a thing when they're born. then they get a little bit older and know only what they've been taught or what they've been shown. 

older people are responsible and older people are important to children. they're everything. so if you're a teacher or an older sister.. or brother.. or just someone older than 5.. be good to littler people. 

please. 

"At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come! 

- Matthew 18:1-7

i wish i knew this when my sister was born. 

hannah 

too much

i'm in seoul, korea serving at a children's home in 오류동 called 오류마을 http://www.oryu.org/about_oryu.php (here's their website). there are about 60 children living here, babies just a few months old to college students. i'm living on the fifth floor with 11 elementary to high school girls and a dorm mom. (there are 2 dorm moms, one is 22 (유미 선생님) and the other is 20 (주연 선생님), they rotate every 2 days) dorm moms are called "teachers", but they're basically the children's moms. they cook, clean, wake them up, put them to sleep, love them, discipline them, everything. they're amazing people. cathy, my partner, lives in a suite across the hall from me with the tiny babies (5 months-3 years old) and the college students.

there are 11 girls i'm living with. i live in a big suite on the fifth floor of a big building. there's a big yard out front with playgrounds, a basketball hoop, empty space.. there's a library downstairs, a cafeteria where ajummas cook and the teachers and office workers eat, there's a sanctuary on the second floor they use for services and special events (like a 61st anniversary celebration they had this past saturday..) cathy and i are using that space from now on to read, pray, worship.

my job here is to assist the dorm moms, to teach english, and to build relationships with the kids. my duties are so broad that things were hard at first. i felt like i was forcing myself into 13 lives that were already turning. they have their own spaces, their own schedules already intact. they have their own government, i guess. and i have to learn it. i felt bad because they had to make room for one more, share everything they're already sharing with 11 other people with one more person. i didn't know how to help or what i could do for them that they weren't already doing fro themselves. and they do chores... so many chores... like things i have never had to do in my entire life... cleaning the floor... vacuuming 24325 times a day, laundry, dishes, taking out trash, folding clothes, setting up blankets, de-setting up blankets.. everything.. it's not easy.. and i'm not good at it.. so i felt bad when i would try to help the teacher do dishes, cause she's so fast. i didn't feel like i was really helping anyone. there were girls here that initiated conversation and showed interest first, but there were a lot that didn't. many of the older girls. they let me be and maybe once in a while they'd talk to me. or i'd have to try really hard to initiate the conversation. and they'd respond, but very little.. i think a lot of them are insecure about their english or just shy or john-michael said that the older ones are more closed-hearted because they've been through a lot more hurting. anyways, i went through these sorts of troubles.. worrying about being intrusive and not knowing how i can help them in the best way. and i couldn't really communicate this to them cause i am definitely not fluent in korean.. i can hold a simple conversation, but i don't know the vocabulary to talk to my dorm moms about this.. i was worrying the most about this on sunday, and on the way home from church, i talked to cathy about it. she felt the same way too. (this is what i wanted to talk to you about jee!)  it's amazing how everything worked out that night.. cathy came by to talk while all the girls were falling asleep, and i was talking to 주연 샘 about our days. i realized i could use cathy as a translator.. and i did. i used and abused cathy to talk it out with her, and she was completely understanding and honest in giving me advice. she told us that it doesn't matter how fast we do things or how well we know how to do them, but just recognizing what needs to be done and doing them is important. she gave us advice in dealing with the kids and how to act in front of them.. things to watch out for. we talked about our dreams and why we're here.. it was bonding time :) and it gave me so much peace. there are lots of things i still need to learn, but i know everything will fall into place very soon. i have to constantly remind myself that i've only been in the home for 5 days. heh 

 right outside. 오류동

 Cathy!!

 entrance to our building

 part of the yard

 gate and yard

 my closet space. this is the high school girls' room. i don't usually sleep in here though.. take turns sleeping in the elementary and junior high girls' rooms

 view from our veranda and part of the playground

 the girls' names and their chores. pray for them please!

희섭이 .. he owns this place. he has many mothers.. many lovers.. today, cathy and i took him and an even littler one to the mart and we had ice cream together.. we are in love.

prayer requests:
1) that the kids would continue opening up to me and cathy
2) that i would have His wisdom and discernment in dealing with the children and adults here
3) i need to be in His heart at all times, to depend on Him, and and to always remember that i'm here because of Him
4) for 주연 teacher to meet God
5) i want to have a clear personal vision and certain goals to accomplish while i'm here. i know i like being here with the kids, and i'm learning so so much already, but i often think "what am i doing here.. why am i here.." i want that to go away completely.

sorry this is so long.. i have so much more to say too..
thank you guys for all of your support and love and prayers.. i will keep you updated.

thinking of all of you every day,

hannah

hello friends!
i made this blog so i can document my time in korea and just keep people at home updated. so you can pray for me and so i can share my blessings with you.

hannah