too much

i'm in seoul, korea serving at a children's home in 오류동 called 오류마을 http://www.oryu.org/about_oryu.php (here's their website). there are about 60 children living here, babies just a few months old to college students. i'm living on the fifth floor with 11 elementary to high school girls and a dorm mom. (there are 2 dorm moms, one is 22 (유미 선생님) and the other is 20 (주연 선생님), they rotate every 2 days) dorm moms are called "teachers", but they're basically the children's moms. they cook, clean, wake them up, put them to sleep, love them, discipline them, everything. they're amazing people. cathy, my partner, lives in a suite across the hall from me with the tiny babies (5 months-3 years old) and the college students.

there are 11 girls i'm living with. i live in a big suite on the fifth floor of a big building. there's a big yard out front with playgrounds, a basketball hoop, empty space.. there's a library downstairs, a cafeteria where ajummas cook and the teachers and office workers eat, there's a sanctuary on the second floor they use for services and special events (like a 61st anniversary celebration they had this past saturday..) cathy and i are using that space from now on to read, pray, worship.

my job here is to assist the dorm moms, to teach english, and to build relationships with the kids. my duties are so broad that things were hard at first. i felt like i was forcing myself into 13 lives that were already turning. they have their own spaces, their own schedules already intact. they have their own government, i guess. and i have to learn it. i felt bad because they had to make room for one more, share everything they're already sharing with 11 other people with one more person. i didn't know how to help or what i could do for them that they weren't already doing fro themselves. and they do chores... so many chores... like things i have never had to do in my entire life... cleaning the floor... vacuuming 24325 times a day, laundry, dishes, taking out trash, folding clothes, setting up blankets, de-setting up blankets.. everything.. it's not easy.. and i'm not good at it.. so i felt bad when i would try to help the teacher do dishes, cause she's so fast. i didn't feel like i was really helping anyone. there were girls here that initiated conversation and showed interest first, but there were a lot that didn't. many of the older girls. they let me be and maybe once in a while they'd talk to me. or i'd have to try really hard to initiate the conversation. and they'd respond, but very little.. i think a lot of them are insecure about their english or just shy or john-michael said that the older ones are more closed-hearted because they've been through a lot more hurting. anyways, i went through these sorts of troubles.. worrying about being intrusive and not knowing how i can help them in the best way. and i couldn't really communicate this to them cause i am definitely not fluent in korean.. i can hold a simple conversation, but i don't know the vocabulary to talk to my dorm moms about this.. i was worrying the most about this on sunday, and on the way home from church, i talked to cathy about it. she felt the same way too. (this is what i wanted to talk to you about jee!)  it's amazing how everything worked out that night.. cathy came by to talk while all the girls were falling asleep, and i was talking to 주연 샘 about our days. i realized i could use cathy as a translator.. and i did. i used and abused cathy to talk it out with her, and she was completely understanding and honest in giving me advice. she told us that it doesn't matter how fast we do things or how well we know how to do them, but just recognizing what needs to be done and doing them is important. she gave us advice in dealing with the kids and how to act in front of them.. things to watch out for. we talked about our dreams and why we're here.. it was bonding time :) and it gave me so much peace. there are lots of things i still need to learn, but i know everything will fall into place very soon. i have to constantly remind myself that i've only been in the home for 5 days. heh 

 right outside. 오류동

 Cathy!!

 entrance to our building

 part of the yard

 gate and yard

 my closet space. this is the high school girls' room. i don't usually sleep in here though.. take turns sleeping in the elementary and junior high girls' rooms

 view from our veranda and part of the playground

 the girls' names and their chores. pray for them please!

희섭이 .. he owns this place. he has many mothers.. many lovers.. today, cathy and i took him and an even littler one to the mart and we had ice cream together.. we are in love.

prayer requests:
1) that the kids would continue opening up to me and cathy
2) that i would have His wisdom and discernment in dealing with the children and adults here
3) i need to be in His heart at all times, to depend on Him, and and to always remember that i'm here because of Him
4) for 주연 teacher to meet God
5) i want to have a clear personal vision and certain goals to accomplish while i'm here. i know i like being here with the kids, and i'm learning so so much already, but i often think "what am i doing here.. why am i here.." i want that to go away completely.

sorry this is so long.. i have so much more to say too..
thank you guys for all of your support and love and prayers.. i will keep you updated.

thinking of all of you every day,

hannah