i feel it all

my time in korea was... so good. i still think about it everyday.
but when i got back to fullerton, it was weird. just being home and having nothing to do. so much space, so much time, no haeun mihae uijin jiyoon jiyuhn heejin nayoung sunghyun... and i was always thinking about going back. as if going back would fix everything.
but i'm twenty years old. and i make $8.50 an hour watching professor's kids at the campus preschool.. and i work six hours a week.. i don't even want to do the math. point is, i'm poor. i still depend on my parents for pretty much everything. which means i can't make my choices all by myself. which means i can't go back whenever i want to. sooo i have to deal with it.
it's been almost three months since i've been back. and i think i've been lazy. i haven't been doing everything i learned. i haven't been productive. i haven't been sharing. and i'm always feeling it.
but today, i got up early. i met with pastor liz lee. she runs two homes. one is in vegas, where she lived for twenty years. she rescues and houses human trafficking victims- prostitutes- leads them to Christ and takes them through a rehabilitation process. the other home is in buena park, close to home. she houses ex-felons and battered women and their children. amazing amazing woman. amazing amazing work. (you can read more about it here.) AND she's a radical follower of Jesus (her own words!!). She was ordained under Pastor Dave Gibbons of Newsong, who very recently gave a seminar at New Philly... and it's all connecting again... i'm going to start doing an after school program for the kids at Rainbow House... and they will be my close-to-home fatherless. i know it's not going to be easy. it never is. but being there today made my heart beat fast, made me hold back tears. because i know he's opened this door with his own hand, and he's pulling me through it. he knows who. and what. and when. and where. and how. i feel like i'm starting to have a lot to write about again. well, i should always be writing.. so this is hannah in america! and we're going to have adventures here, too.